The time to make up your mind about people is never -- Tracy Lords, "Philadephia Story"

Have you ever loved someone so much, you can't stand another minute of his or her company?

Yeah, me too.

I've been watching Philadelphia Story quite frequently lately. Every time I watch it I get something else from it. In my twenties, I was amused by the dialogue and impressed by the perfect chemistry between the cast, but irritated that Tracy Lord was redeemed only after being publicly humiliated, which leads to the man she loves embracing her but only if he can without her flaws. Seeing it now, some twenty years later, I still love all the things about it I first did, but completely changed my mind about Tracy's story.

I won't go on about it, except to say that like another film she made, Stage Door, Hepburn's character comes to know herself better through her personal failings and stops trying to control everything around her in part by accepting that being right is not the same as being true to herself. Another benefit of failing with witnesses is friendships can still be made while we try and fail. Disappointment and embarrassment usually drive us to hold each other at arms length. Imagine what it would be like to look on it as an opportunity to share ourselves and commiserate with each other. A little grace in these situations can be much more endearing.

 

One of the things I love about Stage Door is the strong female cast. The personalities are varied, and the way they interact with each other is somewhat realistic. Women can be competitive about the dumbest things. We can also be remarkably supportive of each other, but there has to be an element of trust and respect before that happens, along with empathy.

Many of us have been raised to think that we need to accomplish certain things in order to be happy. We must be perfect, or our best at all times, before we can be perfect with others (family, friends, lovers). Until then, we are excused from any responsibility for our own choices and happiness. "It just wasn't meant to be." Well, baloney. When Katherine Hepburn made Philadelphia Story, she was already considered box office poison, and yet she wanted to make this film so much she overcame all the obstacles in her way and made it happen. The cast was not the one she originally picked, but it worked, and thank gawd for letting go of that small bit of control and letting it happen anyway. The results were well worth it.

As for the people I love so much I can't stand their company for another minute? Maybe in this instance it is just me. I'm doing something completely out of character for me, and throwing out my expectations. But I am also not holding still in the meantime. Things will change, and when they do, I fully expect to be in good and welcome company.